#1. Looking for a new job

After scouring job ads for several hours, I saw this:

"Seeking a talented and dynamic professional to join our high-calibre team".

Well I think I'm talented.

I can iron a basket of clothes in under 29 minutes. I can also sing karaoke while painting my nails and listening to my friend rattling on about the most recent episode of the "OC". Plus I can text message with one hand and draw stick figures with the other. If that's not talent, I don't know what is.

I also think I'm dynamic. I can get pretty animated when somebody tailgates me on the highway - when this happens, my vocabulary suddenly expands to include words that should only be uttered by a seasoned sailor riding a ship in the midst of a typhoon. My left foot suddenly feels like a deadweight, and the brake pedal seems like the perfect permanent resting place for it. My hands take on a mind of their own as they beep the car horn repeatedly. Exaggeration? Best not tailgate me to find out.

So yes, I have my dynamic moments.

And I suppose I could look "professional" if need be - I do have a short black skirt in my wardrobe somewhere.

With all this in mind, I applied for the job and hoped that I would receive a response. (An odd statement, you say? Well when I first started looking for work after I graduated from uni, I only received 3 responses to my 37 applications. Only one response was positive.)

At exactly 7.45am the next day, my cell phone rang.

• Point 1 - My friends and family never call my cell phone unless it's an emergency (ie, unless there's juicy gossip going around the "grapevine"); and
• Point 2 - My friends and family know better than to call me before 11.00am.

Half asleep but piqued with curiosity, I answered the phone.

"Hi this is Dan from DirectLink Recruitment. I'm calling about your application that was submitted yesterday. Do you have a few minutes to spare while I go through your application?"

Brain fuddle. What's going on? Could this be a phone interview? At 7.45 in the morning?!

"Uh Sure." By this time, I was wide awake and freaking out because I realized that I needed to take a shower, brush my teeth and eat my 2 slices of toast - all within the space of 15 minutes. Damn, I hate starting work at 8.15.

I ran downstairs to toast the bread.

"Now, you've stated that you live 7 hours away from the main city. What is your motivation for wanting to leave your current employment? I take it you're looking to move to the city?"

*Pant*. Reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Um yes. I'd lived in the city all my life until about a year ago. I moved away for uhh.. personal reasons. And because I got a job here."

Bread in the toaster.

Ran upstairs to the bathroom for my shower. Ok, might have to skip the shower part. And the teeth-brushing part. Yikes.

"I see. And what type of work environment are you looking for? I have a great firm that is looking for someone like you. Your CV is quite impressive."

By this time, I'd put Dan from DirectLink Recruitment on speaker-phone. Ah the joys of technology.

"I just want to work for a boss who will mentor and guide me. I am a person who wants to learn new things every day."

Oooh. Not too bad of an answer at 7.51 in the morning.

Getting dressed into my work gear.

*Pant*

"I see. And what do you think you can contribute to the firm if the firm employed you?"

Oh geez. Did I have to think about that at 8.01am?

Crud. My toast was burning. Damn cheap toasters.

"Well, I know my weaknesses. I am able to determine my limits and exceed them, if need be."

Did that even answer his question? Doesn't matter, I needed to eat my toast.

"Is that all? You have no other personal strengths?"

What did he just say? I didn't hear it. Gee, the paint on the wall was peeling. Never noticed it until now.

"Ok. Well, what are your weaknesses?"

Too many. Guys with brown eyes. The Simpsons. Karaoke machines.

"Uhh." *munch* "I don't like to think that I'm wrong. Oh and chocolate is my major weakness."

Wow, did I really say that? A light-hearted joke gone wrong. What did he expect, anyway? It's 8.11am!

*Munch*

"I see. Well thanks for your time. I will contact you in the near future if your application is successful."

I guess that was a nice way of telling me that I buggered up the interview.

Oh well - there's always tomorrow.

I was more worried about getting to work on time. Damn early phone interviews.